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Random Emitare poetry
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Tolkien_Freak



Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 1231
Location: in front of my computer. always.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:51 am    Post subject: Random Emitare poetry Reply with quote

IDK if this counts as translation, but feel free to translate into your lang:

Oyata kesa.
Venani-
Iv kesa ma
naru yalhe
Yae ma, nere.
Takani-
Eo kesa ma
Taka veu sjirila
Al ma, nere.
Kesaya.


oyat-a kesa
fall-PROG rain[STAT]
venan-i
summer-COP
iv kesa ma
clean rain[ACT] you[STAT]
nar-u yalh-e
peaceful-REP world-STAT
yae ma ne-re
happy you[STAT] time-DEM
takan-i
winter-COP
eo kesa ma
hurt rain[ACT] you[STAT]
taka ve-u sjiril-a
ice fire-and would-PROG
al ma ne-re
sad you[STAT] time-DEM
kesay-a
rain-PROG

Rain is falling.
It is summer-
The rain cleans you
The world seems peaceful
You are happy, now
It is winter-
The rain hurts you
Ice and fire are cutting
You are sad, now
It is raining

And in the script (w00t, terrible handwriting):


I haven't really figured out a sort of 'poetry style' for Emitaru yet, so I'm just doin' whatever.
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Aert



Joined: 03 Jul 2008
Posts: 354

PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 6:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unless your conculture has a significantly developed literature, I wouldn't worry about the style of poetry. (Well, maybe if their culture is more strict and hierarchical, enjoying a rhythm and strict rules, like Elizabethan England and it's sonnets etc.)

I can't comment on the flow of the poem in Emitare since I can't hear it/know how it sounds, but the (C)VC nature seems to help it quite a bit; I wish mine was so flowing Smile

The handwriting/script looks quite nice as well, I can see it developing into a swaying vertscript, flowing right/left though the poem (could also help stress some important sections/affixes/juxtapositions). Very Happy

Good luck with your poetry!
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Tolkien_Freak



Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 1231
Location: in front of my computer. always.

PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aert wrote:
Unless your conculture has a significantly developed literature, I wouldn't worry about the style of poetry. (Well, maybe if their culture is more strict and hierarchical, enjoying a rhythm and strict rules, like Elizabethan England and it's sonnets etc.)

It does have a developed literature. ^_^
I haven't decided how strict I want to be with poetry formatting yet. I like both the freely-formed stuff and the metered stuff.

Quote:
I can't comment on the flow of the poem in Emitare since I can't hear it/know how it sounds, but the (C)VC nature seems to help it quite a bit; I wish mine was so flowing Smile

^_^
Thanks - one of the goals of Emitare was to make as pretty a lang as possible.

Quote:
The handwriting/script looks quite nice as well, I can see it developing into a swaying vertscript, flowing right/left though the poem (could also help stress some important sections/affixes/juxtapositions). Very Happy

Now that's an idea I hadn't thought of. IDK if it would work for this script, but that would be a really cool idea to try as the premise for a script.

Quote:
Good luck with your poetry!

Thanks!
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achemel



Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Posts: 555
Location: up for debate

PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It looks nice. Very Happy I can't write poetry at all, so I'm just impressed by its poetry-ness and more impressed that it's in your conlang. And your handwriting is lovely. (^_^)
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I have some small knowledge of:
English, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Spanish, French
I would like to learn:
(more) Chinese, Swedish, Italian, German, Indonesian, Tagalog, Gaelic
Main conlangs:
ddamachel, tadvaradcel, ra cel, lashel, hemnalg, nomah
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Hemicomputer



Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 610
Location: Calgary, Alberta

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:16 am    Post subject: Re: Random Emitare poetry Reply with quote

Tolkien_Freak wrote:
And in the script (w00t, terrible handwriting):
w00t! Messy writers of the world, unite! (Bad spellers of the world, untie!)
Tolkien_Freak wrote:
Oyata kesa.
Venani-
Iv kesa ma
naru yalhe
Yae ma, nere.
Takani-
Eo kesa ma
Taka veu sjirila
Al ma, nere.
Kesaya.
Awesome. I really like the flow of it. How it opens "rain is falling" and closes "it is rainng," with the variations in between. Isn't rain just lovely?
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Bakram uso, mi abila, / del us bakrat, dahud bakrita!
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Tolkien_Freak



Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 1231
Location: in front of my computer. always.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

achemel wrote:
It looks nice. Very Happy I can't write poetry at all, so I'm just impressed by its poetry-ness and more impressed that it's in your conlang. And your handwriting is lovely. (^_^)


Thanks. I can't ever write poetry in English, I'm always embarrassed by it.
I don't know why I can write it in Emitare and translate it and be fine...
And the handwriting... could be better.

Hemicomputer wrote:
Tolkien_Freak wrote:
And in the script (w00t, terrible handwriting):
w00t! Messy writers of the world, unite! (Bad spellers of the world, untie!)

Or dyslexics ^_^

Quote:
Awesome. I really like the flow of it. How it opens "rain is falling" and closes "it is rainng," with the variations in between. Isn't rain just lovely?

Rain is awesome, that's why I picked it. (As long as you're not in it, or it's hot out.)
Thanks!
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Hemicomputer



Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 610
Location: Calgary, Alberta

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tolkien_Freak wrote:
Thanks. I can't ever write poetry in English, I'm always embarrassed by it.
I don't know why I can write it in Emitare and translate it and be fine...
I can't sing in English at all, but I have no trouble singing in Kobaan or other languages...
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killerken



Joined: 30 Sep 2008
Posts: 134
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great poem! Very powerful. I shall attempt to do it justice in my translation.

Nlỉo elegavỉ n.
Stoltỉlo lrvỉ n-
Nlỉo rnĉ temamvỉ n
Lrnonr corbỉso lvỉ n
Lỉlỉsr rno lrvỉ, n
Tostỉlo lrvỉ n-
Nlỉo rnĉ mecyuvỉ n
Belso lac tolmeno mecvỉ n
Vỉŝnr rno lrvỉ, n
Nlỉvỉ n.

Rain(S) to-fall present-ind.
Summer(S) to-be pres-ind
Rain(S) you(P) to-clean pres-ind
Peaceful world(S) to-seem pres-ind
Happy you(S) to-be, pres-ind
Winter(S) to-be pres-ind
Rain(S) you(P) to-hurt pres-ind
Ice(S) and fire(S) to-cut pres-ind
Sad you(S) to-be, pres-ind
To-rain pres-ind.

That was interesting. In Fỉ, adjectives and adverbs follow the nouns/verbs they are modifying. In order to emphasize that the description of the person is what is being communicated, the adjectives precede the noun. Ex:

Cresr forno trỉsr lrvỉ n. = The green tree is tall.
Trỉsr forno cresr lrvỉ n. = The tall tree is green.
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Tolkien_Freak



Joined: 26 Jul 2007
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Location: in front of my computer. always.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool, thanks!
It's kinda cool that every line in it ends with the present tense marker n. Lends it a kind of consistency.
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Kiri



Joined: 13 Jun 2009
Posts: 471
Location: Latvia/Italy

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eh, time fore some Emitare poetry in Vr! Very Happy I couldn't quite understand some things as to what goes with what, so maybe some of the original thought is lost/modified. I apologize for that.

n'Amira amire.
nn Vallana pere.
n'Amira Towi pūre,
nn Mūna kwaran parese,
To fanan peri.
nn Hivra pere.
n'Amira Towi sūre,
n'Isa o nn Wega kulle,
To tristan peri.
amire.

In the Vr's Abeda Smile


And here goes a Latvian version! Very Happy Assuming, that the speaker speaks to a female Very Happy It's not too good though Very Happy

Lietus līst.
Ir vasara -
Lietus tevi nomazgā,
Pasaule ir mierīga,
Tu esi priecīga.
Ir ziema -
Lietus tevi sāpina,
Ledus un sniegs grie,
Tu esi skumja.
Līst.
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Tolkien_Freak



Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 1231
Location: in front of my computer. always.

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks again! Looks like in both Latvian and Vr the words for 'fall' and 'rain' are the same in this context, so the first line looks like it comes out 'rain is raining' ^_^

And your image link is broken, JSYK.
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Kiri



Joined: 13 Jun 2009
Posts: 471
Location: Latvia/Italy

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, in Latvian, we don't say "the rain is falling", because it is considered only solid objects can fall (in modern speech, that is Wink ), we use the same word for rain and for any other liquid - "pour" or smth of that sort, so it would literally be the rain is "pouring".
In Vr the rain is really raining, as foolish as it may sound Smile

The image works fine to me... Confused
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Hemicomputer



Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 610
Location: Calgary, Alberta

PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Image works fine for me, too.

Also, in Drumu:
Hegel ildit.
Ni ąri-
Hegel da drifut
flis suftibrak niusit
Da sekre, sibu
Ni iuri-
Hegel da abt
Sium abakri bęlat
Da lesk, sibu
Hegelat.


rain fall-PRES
it summer
rain you clean-PRES
world peace-EQUATIVE look-PRES
you good, now
it winter
rain you harm-PRES
ice and-fire cut-PRES
you sad, now
rain-PRES

Hmm... didn't really work with the rhythm like the others did. Oh, well.
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Last edited by Hemicomputer on Thu Feb 18, 2010 8:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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eldin raigmore
Admin


Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 1621
Location: SouthEast Michigan

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 5:26 pm    Post subject: Re: Random Emitare poetry Reply with quote

Tolkien_Freak wrote:
http://i151.photobucket.com/albums/s160/Tolkien_Freak/kesaya.png
While this is beautiful, it's twice as wide as the thread should be. Posting it full-size right in the middle of the thread screws up the reading of the other posts.
Could you cut it down to half-by-half its current size for posting here, and leave a link to the full-sized version?
Thanks.
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Tolkien_Freak



Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 1231
Location: in front of my computer. always.

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry about that. I can't fix it now (I'm not on my normal computer and won't be until Monday) but I'll fix it as soon as I can.
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achemel



Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Posts: 555
Location: up for debate

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
In the Vr's Abeda




I can't see it... Crying or Very sad
_________________
I have some small knowledge of:
English, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Spanish, French
I would like to learn:
(more) Chinese, Swedish, Italian, German, Indonesian, Tagalog, Gaelic
Main conlangs:
ddamachel, tadvaradcel, ra cel, lashel, hemnalg, nomah
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Kiri



Joined: 13 Jun 2009
Posts: 471
Location: Latvia/Italy

PostPosted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

achemel wrote:
Quote:
In the Vr's Abeda




I can't see it... Crying or Very sad


It seems to work for some and not work for others, so I can't get t think of what the problem is... ><
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achemel



Joined: 29 Mar 2009
Posts: 555
Location: up for debate

PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 1:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Probably it's just my computer being mean to me... random things go out every now and then. Wink I'll just hope it shows up one day soon.
_________________
I have some small knowledge of:
English, Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Spanish, French
I would like to learn:
(more) Chinese, Swedish, Italian, German, Indonesian, Tagalog, Gaelic
Main conlangs:
ddamachel, tadvaradcel, ra cel, lashel, hemnalg, nomah
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Aeetlrcreejl



Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 839
Location: Over yonder

PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Linpt k ps
Is sems
Luklt t ps
Mulnin is pela
Krurat e tutu
Is gma
Krjiac t ps
Kafance yels ter
Krdrat e tutu
Tot linac

Again, syllables. The lines that aren't "it's summer", "it's winter", or "it's raining" have a 3-syllable world followed by a one-syllable word followed by a two-syllable word. The lines that aren't like that have a one-syllable word followed by a two-syllable word.
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killerken



Joined: 30 Sep 2008
Posts: 134
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's interesting. Is that something that happens in all poetry, or did it just happen in this translation? It makes a neat extra dimension for the poetry.

Edit: Never mind, I just read your post for Abani. That's great!
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